Moments Like This

Yes, I’ve been drowned… by the situation that I sometimes couldn’t take, but because of my strong belief, my braveness stands still for what I am now… I’m holding on to that, it’s not because I have to, but because of its a choice that I want.. I love you… with no lies behind those words. I love you.. with no money involved. I love you… that truly came from the heart that I will carry forever in me. I love you.. even if you’re going to crash my heart into pieces. I love you…

10 Years, 3 months, and 16 days ago I wrote these words in my old blog. Back then, all these thoughts were directed towards a certain person that I dared love for far so long. A person who unfortunately broke my heart into pieces. It was 10 years ago, in the year 2008 where days are gloomy and the brain has been crashing with tears kept falling that it never ceased giving a sign of exiting. Thoughts of no tomorrow, thoughts ending everything in life. Thoughts of losing hope. Thoughts of just giving up self. All of these happened 10 years ago.

But as time went on, this quote I once wrote in my old blog eventually diverted its dedication, it took the attention away from that person. Instead of thinking about the other person, this quote keeps flashing in front of me as if giving the true meaning that it is for myself, that it is about me and not the other way around.

Slowly diverting, sudden change over the course of my thoughts. Moments like this are unintentional that I myself could not understand how it happened, it just happens. What I am trying to imply is the word ” I love you” on my quote, this simply had been long ago addressed my love for that person which eventually radically changed my thinking and feeling about the “I love You” word to the wise.

Nothing is wrong about loving someone else, but all these years, I came to understand the significance of loving FIRST our own self before driving crazily in love towards a significant other or to those around us. All those time in the past, the negativity and nerve-wracking anxiety were unintentionally grown because I refused to understand the importance of loving my own first.  As stubborn instinct reappearing a couple of times, it took me long in opening myself on why should I love the “me” first.

Thankful for the excruciating emotions that the previous “significant other” have done to me, for without that experience, my love towards myself will not be understood nor showing signs of growing. I have no ill-feelings towards “him” after knowing what I want and accepting myself as who I am, I turned forgiveness as a great weapon. Forgiving “him” is the best feeling in life could give.

This has been the agony that I once exposed with in my younger years. It helped get through, it nursed to live my life. That no matter the situation is, even if I am drowning, I will make a choice to keep loving my true precious life. And I do hope people of my generation or people who have been hurting, will not stop loving themselves and will keep on learning the true meaning of “love”.

 

Moments Like This
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Author: Ferna Mae

Ferna is a spontaneous traveler from the Philippines who had a great experience traveling her own country first before she embarked to other countries. She thrives to be more independent in her own skin. Connect with her at everywherewithferna@gmail.com

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